Rapping With Ronald

Sam plugs I-C3PO into the I-Pod jack and starts the most excellent CTS.Again,Sam backs out just a tad too quickly.It will take him a while to adjust to such power and might in an automobile.

Sam zooms out of the Effenpea parking lot,waving to the guard,Russia Albean,as he goes.As soon as Sam exits the lot,he decides to try the new technology,"Zooey,call 'Home'."

Nothing.

He tries again,"Zooey,call'Home'."

Nothing.What is wrong?

Deciding to give it one more shot,Sam orders,"Darn it,Zooey,call 'Home'!"

A middle screen pops up,brightly lit.An exasperated sigh escapes from the Bose sound system,"Hmpf!Sam,my name is Kat.If you would like me to read from the 'S.A.I.D.' manual,and I quote,"It is only mandatory for 'S.A.I.D.' unit to answer to 'S.A.I.D.' name.'S.A.I.D.' unit may,at it's option,answer to voice actor's name.Do you get that,Sam?"

"Huh?Is that you,Zooey?"

Exasperated voice,again,"'S.A.I.D.' unit..."

"O-K.O-K.O-K.Stop.Kat,that's what you want to be called,Kat,right?Are you...are you..real?"

"Sam,I am a 'Simulated Artificial Intelligence Device.I am not really A.I.,but I am programed to simulate artificial Intelligence.For instance,if you take the same,longer,way home more than three times,I am programed to stop asking you if you prefer a shorter route.I am not much more than a jazzed up video game[then mumbling] at least that's what the dumb dork designers want me to tell you".

"Thank you,Kat.That's more information than I wanted or needed.Kat,please,dial 'Home'."

Sam hears the phone ringing,"Hello?This is the Everly's residence."

"Bridget.It is sooo good to hear your voice.How are you feeling?"

"Fine,Hon.That Maxalt works wonders.You're still not at work?"

"Oh,you can not believe the day I have been having."Sam is so happy that Bridget is still Bridget.Oh,but why did she use Maxalt for her migraine instead of Imitrex?No,matter,calm was back into his life.Bridget was still Bridget.That was real enough to hold on to.

"Sam,"begins Bridget,"Your stunt at the McDonald's is already on 'You Tube'.It is absolutely hilarious.But,Sam,didn't you promise me no more Paparazzi?Don't you ever get tired of being stalked by those maniacs?It's only a matter of time before they know where you're at,now."

"Kat,Hang up."Before Bridget can get more than,'Whose Kat?' out of her lips,the phone is dead."That was rude,Sam."

"Shut up."

"Don't tell me to..."

"Shut UP!"Silence.Sam is back to shaking.They got to Bridget,too.He can see the Golden Arches.He knows the way these things work.Just walk back into McDonald's and 'Poof!' he'll be back to normal.

"I'm sorry,Kat,"he apologizes just as he is pulling into the Micky D's,"I didn't mean to be rude."

"It's all right.I'm just 'simulated intelligence',anyway."

Sam gets out of the CTS as the phone starts to ring.